Deeper Surrender

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ. Phillippians 3:8 There's an old hymn that I love with the lyric, "Deeper, deeper, in the love of Jesus, daily let me grow." Something I've learned is that He will seek to see if we will live out all those songs and verses that we say we love. I remember so well a true crisis time when He sought to see if I would. Our church had lost the first lease we'd ever signed. A printing company wanted our space and would pay more than we ever could. We had to find a new place to worship. It was a bad time for this to happen. Rents had risen dramatically, and we would have to pay double what we had been paying. Our leadership and I prayed and sought Him and His will. We felt that a space I'd found would work for us, but it would be challenging financially. Going into our previous space had also been so, and had also required a step of real faith, trust, and dependency upon Him. We signed a lease, and then everything seemed to come together to obstruct our way. Several families chose this time to leave the fellowship, though they had never talked to me about it. I had believed they would be part of the ministry going forward. Some others had job transfers that took them away. In the end, we lost a great deal of the financial base, a base I had been counting on. Our resources began to dry up, and though we were attracting new families, our resources were not increasing at the rate we needed. By the end of our first year, we were in a very hard place. Paying our rental obligation was becoming not just difficult, it had begun to look impossible. I not only couldn't see how we could do all that was needed, I wasn't seeing Him. I had lost Him in the midst of the need. Yet I would find out He was there all the time....waiting for me. I always considered myself a man of faith and one who trusted God, but my response to the need was to take it upon myself to try and make up the monthly shortfall. I began to do cash advances to meet our rent. Month after month I did this. The pressures upon me mounted. I cried out to Him for help, but no help seemed coming. Finally, after months of this increasing unbearable pressure, I broke. I was exhausted. I was in despair. I couldn't go on like this. I was at the end of myself. I was also at the beginning of God, but I wouldn't realize that for a bit. My leadership had been faithful in this as well. They were good givers. We made some decisions. We would tithe 10% of our income regardless of what our monthly expenses were. That was good and God honored that, but that was not what opened the door for His miracles. That came when I reached the blessing of releasing what I thought was my responsibility, seeing that all was taken care of, and turning it all over to Him. All of it. Not just the need, but the pressure, the worry, the anxiety over all the "what if's" that the devil would throw at me. He had taken me to the place of a deeper surrender to Him, to His Lordship. To His faithfulness. To His promises. I would surrender my place of trying to provide for His church. I would surrender to His promise to do so. From that moment, everything began to turn around. The challenges were still there, but I never had to do another cash advance. I realized that my doing so had been my telling Him that I didn't trust Him to take care of His church. His church, not mine.We were there three more years. We paid all our obligations in full. Both Kingdom and secular ones. Through my deep need and pain, I had found a deep Lord and a deeper grace. It was a lesson I would never forget, but one He has had to refresh me about more than once. As He seeks to do a deeper work, He also seeks to bring us to a deeper surrender. Maybe He's doing that in you right now. Yield to Him. He won't fail you. He never will. Let the chains of self-reliance go. Find the victory that can only come from our surrender. Blessings, Pastor O