Heart Tracks - Is Judas In The House?

     One doesn't have to live very long in this world before suffering the pain of betrayal.  It cuts even more deeply when the betrayal comes from a trusted loved one, friend, family member, or spouse.  The wounds these betrayals leave can take a very long time to heal.  Sometimes, they never do.  When they don't, we're left with varying degrees of bitterness, anger, and many times, a desire for vengeance.  I know this because I've suffered the pain of betrayal, and you have as well.  It's so easy to entertain carnal, and yes, sinful attitudes towards those who've betrayed us.  We'll have an inexhaustible supply of justification for it.  Yet, in the midst of it, Jesus will continue to reach into our hearts to expose what's really there, and leave us in the end, not with our betrayers, but only Him....and us.

    I was going through one such time when, reading the simple list of the disciples found in Mark 3, I came upon the last name;  "and Judas, the betrayer".  As I read that, His voice spoke to me and simply asked me if there had ever been times when I, His follower, could have assigned that same description by Him?  Had I ever been, was I even then, Gary, the betrayer?  You know what my answer was, and you know what yours is as well.  We have all failed Him.  We've all at one time or another, betrayed Him.  Betrayed His trust, His call, His life, and His name.  My betrayals of Him could not have cut Him less deeply than any of me.  Indeed, they had to have cut deeper, because in His love of me, trust of me, He'd given His all.  I, we, if we're honest, always seem to find a way to hold something of ourselves back in our love, in our trust.  He never does.  He always opens His heart and life to the possibility of us wounding Him deeply, betraying Him utterly.  Breaking His heart....again and again.  You may think this is about forgiveness, but it's not.  Not really.  It's about a question I heard Alicia Britt Chloe ask in a message a few weeks ago; "Is Judas in the house?"  Where might Judas the betrayer be lurking in our hearts, waiting for the opportunity to turn you and I into a betrayer of Christ as well?  Dare we let His Spirit search us for the answer?
   In the Spirit, Chloe simply described some of the things that marked Judas' life, and then followed those descriptions with the simple, contemplative question; "Is Judas in the house?"  She gave so many examples of the life of Judas but I do want to pass along a few for our consideration.  She said that Judas "Gave Jesus up for something that shined."  Have we ever?  The "trophy" for achievement we just had to have.  The applause of men, to the disregard of heaven?  Leaving a place where we know He put us, in order to go to one that offers more reward?  Is Judas in the house?  She said that when Judas gave something, he expected to receive something countable.  How often have we, if not spoken it, thought of how much we have given the Lord in service, time, energy, money, and received, to our system of measurement, so much less?  How often have we believed He "owed us?"  We've worked so hard, but received so little.  Judas understood bartering, but not sacrifice.  Is Judas in the house?  Chloe said that the spirit of servanthood gone sour yields the spirit of entitlement.  As she put it, "Mercy and grace make no sense when we're captivated by what's tradeable and countable."  "In the end,"  she said, "Judas worshiped Christ with blood on his hands."  In some part of our lives, could that be true of you and I? 
   More and more, He is teaching me to live vertically, with my eyes on Him, rather than horizontally, with my eyes on everything and everyone but Him.  The horizontal way makes me acutely aware of all who've failed me, betrayed me.  It also makes me "aware" of how little He seems to have done in my life.  The vertical life lets me look into His eyes and heart, and see what is real, and what is not.  The vertical life keeps me from being again and again, the betrayer, the deceived.  It's the life I want to live.  What life do you wish for?  What life do you live right now?  Is Judas in the house?

Blessings,

Pastor O