The Gain

 "What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:8

I've been feeling a kind of melancholy sadness over the last couple of weeks. I didn't really have any concrete understanding of why. Overall, I'm very content in my life, and I've known far more times of happiness than sadness over the last decade. Yet sadness has been upon me, and I'm beginning to have some understanding of the reasons why.

I've written quite a lot about the losses in my life. My marriage and family are at the forefront of it all, but there has also been the loss of cherished friends and precious relationships. Then there is the matter of unfulfilled desires and hopes. There have been more than a few disappointments, as there are for all of us, but for me, the hardest have been in the area of marriage and family. I once had both and I never dreamed on my wedding day that the time would come when they were gone, but it did. Yet I maintained a hope, a deep desire, that one day, I would again have that desire met in Him.. The Lord knows that I fervently pursued it.

Over the course of time, I am thankful for the number of excellent ladies that I met, and for the several really meaningful relationships that I had through the years. Yet, in every one, though I had hopes that they would lead to my heart's desire, He never opened a door for that to be. They didn't end on ugly notes, but they ended, and it was clear that His will was that it should be so. When they did, I knew it was right, but there was disappointment and sadness. Yet I pressed on...until He made it clear to me that this was not a door He was going to open, and I needed to cease my efforts at making it so. I obeyed, and eventually the desire waned and disappeared. So why the sadness? I think it has to do with aging, with coming to the end of my life and thinking upon all that I had wanted and never realized. Never having that one to grow old with, or watching children grow up and have children of their own. Never having once more that marriage, that family. Melancholy sadness for sure, but that's not the end of the story.

As I contemplated all this, He brought Philippians 3:8 to mind. He has never explained to me why He closed the doors, but I know He will one day, and I can trust Him till that day. More than that is the fact that He has made the power of Paul's words in that Scripture come alive in my life. In all the losses, disappointments, and tears that went with them, was the surpassing joy I gained in knowing Him in ways I never dreamed possible. Ways that in my heart I know could only have been realized through the losses. The lyrics of the old hymn become more real by the day, "It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus. One look at His dear face, all sorrow will erase." Through it all, I see Him, and I yearn for that day when I will see Him in full. I would never have asked for the losses and disappointments, but I would trade what I have gained in Him for all of them. I hope that you may say the same in yours. We will suffer loss and disappointment. Not every desire will be met....but the one great desire we all have, to know Him, can be and is met in Him. Look to Him. Trust Him. Love Him. Know Him. It really is worth it all. And, as a postscript, what He has given me, not just in Himself, but in the many loving friends and all that He has added on and into my life, far outweighs the cost of the losses. His goodness can never be measured.

Blessings,
Pastor O