Heart Tracks - How Far?

2 I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. Revelation 2:2-5

In my prayer journal, I have an entry asking the Lord to, at any point in my walk with Him, show how far I might have fallen from "my first love?" I confess, it takes a lot less courage to write that entry than it does to actually allow Him to carry it out in my life. Other loves so easily enter in, and everything is made so much more difficult because so many of these other loves are "good loves." But when they take the place of He who is to be our first love, than they are not just wrong, they are sin. As we see in Revelation 2, Jesus can and will be ruthless in exposing them in our lives.

Jesus was speaking to the church in Ephesus. As we can see, they were involved in many good works. They were meticulous in their beliefs and doctrine. Their works were right, their beliefs were as well. Their hearts were not. They had wandered away from Him, and their activities may have been in line with Him, but their heart focus was not. To what degree is this true in your heart, and in the heart of your church fellowship?

Another question I have in my journal is equally piercing, and at various times, has made me "shuffle in His Presence." It asks simply, "Would I rather have a building full of people, or a people full of God?" As a pastor, this question cuts to the quick as to what my real motivation might be in ministry. A true pastor will have compassion for those souls he's been entrusted with, but ministry can take some very unhealthy twists for us all. The desire for success, especially as defined by the flesh can exert an ever stronger pull upon the heart. A spirit of competition and comparison sets in, and building our kingdom along with His starts to take place. From there, we begin to see people as instruments to be used to get to where we want, and not lives to be led more deeply into Him. Filling the room can become the primary goal. Hearts filled with Him can become a distant second...or much less than that. We become more concerned about what the church looks like to eyes of flesh than we do to the eyes of the King. We've fallen far from our first love, and we can remain totally blind to it. The Ephesians certainly had. Have we?

If you know the story of Jesus and the rich young ruler, you know that this man came to Him with desire for Him. He also came having done all the right things according to the law. Jesus, seeing into his heart and where its deepest loyalties were, asked him to give all he had away and come follow Him. The young man could not part with his riches, and he walked away grieved, but still holding his wealth. Someone asked where we are like him; walking away each week with full hands but empty hearts? John Burton said that our pews are filled with "rich young rulers." Perhaps our pulpits as well?

So the question comes to each of us, no matter what our place in the church. How far may we have fallen from the One who is our first love? Has He ever really been our first love at all? If He is able to open our eyes to the fact that we have, our only recourse is to confess it, repent of it, and to yield our whole hearts up to Him anew....What might He have "against us" today? How far might we have fallen from our first love? Can we bear the question?

Blessings,
Pastor O