The first experience took place in Colorado Springs,
nearly 25 years ago, during the first year of my study for the ministry. I was
single, away from home and family, and alone, as my roommates had left to be
with their families. Before they'd left, we'd gotten a tree, and draped it with
as many decorations and lights as it could hold. I remember Christmas Eve,
after returning from my church's special service, lying on my sofa, listening to
the songs of the 2nd Chapter of Acts, gazing at the tree and the lights. Here,
over 1500 miles from family, separated from friends, physically alone, I had a
sense of His Presence unlike anything I had known in my young walk with Him. In
that small apartment, my Lord was with me, giving me Himself. I would open no
presents that night, something my family always did, but it wouldn't matter. I
had the gift of my Jesus, and nothing else mattered. The joy of my Lord flowed
out of my heart. I had never experienced such a visitation before, and while He
has come to me in so many beautiful ways since then, I've never again had a time
with Him quite like that. For one who'd come out of deep darkness only a year
before, it was, and is, a gift to be treasured all the rest of my days. It was
my happiest Christmas.
The second time happened 9 years later, on a church
campground on a bitterly cold night the week before Christmas. My wife had left
me several months before. In the midst of that, I'd had to resign my church,
and leave the ministry. I was working at a Coca-Cola distribution center in
Charlottesville, Viriginia, driving a forklift. I had just returned to the
campground. It was late at night, and very dark. The place was almost
completely empty of life. My heart was filled with an indescribable ache. Each
day I would drive in, and each night I would drive back, constantly asking the
Lord, "How did I end up here? Why did you let this happen? Father, where are
you?" As I parked my car and got out, the intense cold
hit my face. It couldn't have been more than 10 degrees out. I remember the
thought that came to me as if it were yesterday. A voice that came from a much
deeper darkness than made up that nighttime. It whispered, "Aren't you weary of
the pain? Everything has been lost. Can it ever be good again? It can all be
over. All you need do is walk into those woods over there. Lie down. Go to
sleep, It will be over." At that moment, in the midst of what seemed complete
hopelessness, I looked towards those woods. It was then that I heard another
voice. It was soft, but mighty. It was Him. The Jesus, my Jesus, who'd come
to me in the midst of my most special Christmas, had also come to me in the time
of my darkest. The same Jesus. I didn't hear words so much as truth. I was
not alone. This was not the end. Where I was now, was not where I would stay.
I had life, and though the enemy sought to destroy it, I would live. I would
laugh again. I would live again. I was living now.
With that I went to the small cottage I was staying
in, and just like in that small apartment 9 years before, I was washed with His
Presence. I was not alone. He was with me, and true to His word, my life
didn't end there. Neither does it end here. There will still be pain. There
is pain now, but whether in laughter or sorrow, times of light, or times of
darkness, He is, and will always be, Immanuel. God with us. With me. With
you. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.
It may be as you come upon this season, you find
yourself in a place you never thought you'd be, or a place you can do nothing to
change. Please know that no matter how cut off you may feel, how alone you
might think yourself to be, you are not. Into your time, this time, allow
Immanuel, Jesus to come. He will, and He will not leave. This is not the place
you will stay, it is not here that you will die. He will bring you out. There
is life for you, abundant and free. Let Him lead you into it.
I end this with the story of a missionary family's first Christmas in
the tropics, one spent away from family, friends, and all that
had been so familiar to them. The wife struggled with the isolation until,
as she sought Him, her eyes were opened to something much greater than she had
known. "I was shown the actual heart of Christmas, which in turn changed my own
heart. It occurred to me that while all these things (friends, family,
cherished decorations) symbolize Christmas, all of these things are not
Christmas. I learned that Jesus is enough. Jesus is Christmas. When all the
stuff...lights, gifts, trees, food and even friends - was taken away, it came
down to Jesus.....I learned that everything I need for Christmas and for my life
is found in Jesus." Psalm 16 reads, "Apart from You, I have no good thing."
Apart from Him, we too, "have no good thing."
Blessings,
Pastor O
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