Pastor and author Francis Frangiapane tells of a time early in his pastoral ministry. He was part of a group where he was beginning to have questions not only about their doctrine, but the behavior of their leaders. He met with some of the leaders in the hopes of reconciling the situation. Instead, he was forced to resign. He was now without a ministry, income, or home. He began a 3 year journey through what he saw as meaningless, unsatisfying, and low paying jobs. Worst of all, he was frustrated in carrying out what he believed was his life call from the Father. Pain, frustration, and misery marked his life.
In the midst of it, he sought the Father for guidance, asking what he should do, what steps must he take to return to ministry? Back to the life to which he believed he belonged, where joy and fulfillment would be found. Yet God was silent. He would provide for Frangiapane and his family's needs, but the pain, heartache, and misery remained. He hated where he was at and what he was doing. He felt like a second-class child of God. He wanted out and he wanted to know what God was doing and where he was in all of it. One night, at his altar of prayer, the Lord whispered, "I want you to love Me where you're at." Simple words that we too often allow our circumstances to make us deaf to.
Walking with Him, we will end up in places we don't want to be. For me it was in Charlottesville, Virginia in the fall of 1989. My marriage had collapsed, I'd been forced to resign my ministry, and all that I thought defined me was gone. If I wasn't a husband, father, and pastor, what was I? I had to find work and that led me to where I was, on a Coca-Cola truck in Charlottesville at 6 AM. On the first delivery of the day, I sat in the truck, in the dark, and cried out to God, "How did I get here?" I hated where I was at and what I was doing, and I too would be staying in that place for longer than I wanted.
God's words to Frangiapane are His words to us as well. No matter where we are or how far from that place we want to be, He calls us to love Him there, even when "there" is where we'd never have chosen to be. Love Him not just with intellectual agreement, but wholeheartedly, impacting and permeating our minds, emotions, and spirit. Love that brings His fullness of joy even in the darkest place. Love that doesn't first seek a way out but seeks instead a way to Him. Ever deeper into Him.
Frangiapane discovered that God wasn't nearly as interested in what he did for Him as to who he was becoming in Him. He wanted Him to know that He loved him right where he was for who he was and for who he was becoming. The state of his circumstances didn't matter. The state of his heart did. Frangiapane discovered, as would I, that the insignificant place wasn't insignificant to Him. He uses that place to mold us ever more into His image.
Jesus told Peter in John 21:18 that when he was old, "Others will direct you and take you to where you don't want to go." It won't be different for us as life takes us places we don't want to be. In the midst of it, He is there, working, molding, loving us. We belong to Him and not to the circumstances surrounding us. Where we are and what we're doing are not our final destination or reality. It's what we're being transformed into....as we love Him...right where we are.
Oh, and the Father didn't leave Frangiapane in that place. Nor did He leave me on the delivery truck. He may take us through the wilderness, but He won't leave us there. Our part is to love Him, trust Him, and keep on walking. He will take us to the place where He's purposed for us to be.
Blessings,
Pastor O